I'm coming out of the closet

I don't like beer. Ohhhhhh that feels so good to finally get out. Years and years of pretending to be someone I am not.Pretending to enjoy beer after beer with my friends, meanwhile being dead inside. Knowing I was a fraud, just to go along with the mainstream. You know how that tore me up inside?

Follow Up to I Was Awesome Last Night

Apparently my awesomeness only goes so far. 

Problem with meeting girls in cool situations like the Del Taco story is you don't get to converse with them before you decide to pass along the phone number.

I made this mistake. I should have know any girl who spells here name Bell instead of Belle would have been a headcase. 

In worse news, my Ducks are 1-5 to start the NHL season and in last place.

I was awesome last night

So I am bored and in Dallas, Texas. It's actually quite nice out right now. About 70 degrees. I could live here. I could live anywhere really. I don't feel as much of a unrelenting loyalty to California as the rest of you do. I am learning my lack of commitment doesn't rest with woman. But that is another issue for another time.

I found this funny. I know woman who are after money are present in society. I just can't say I have seen it really with my own eyes. I see fame chasers when I go out with Garrett. Although fame and money run hand in hand. Unless you are Vincent Chase form Entourage who apparently is famous but broke. I love that show...... I love more that it is based off Mark Walberg.

But on to my awesomeness. So I don't pretend in any way to be awesome. In fact I am quite average at pretty much everything I do. It's one of two facts I came to terms with probably about 4 years ago. I am average at everything, and I crack under pressure.

Sidenote: Do you become those things because you label yourself that way? Or do you just come to terms with your limitations? Does coming to terms limit your ability to change yourself? Can you change yourself? Can I make myself rise to occasions rather than falter when pressure situations occur?

Anyways, so maybe the beauty of not being awesome is sometimes you have these moments that stick out as amazing. Do awesome people have moments like this? Are their moments all awesome? Or just more awesome than mine because they are awesome all the time.

Ok my awesome moment. No more side notes. So it was late last night and I was starving so I hit up my local Del Taco for good ol #6 with soft tacos and a coke. But no supersize! I must reiterate this point. Small size only. So I am waiting in the drive-thru line and check out the girl that rolls up behind me. Of course she is amazingly beautiful because all woman in San Diego are amazingly beautiful. So naturally I am checking her out from my driver side mirror like the creepster I am. She notices and gives me a little smile. I order, she orders and life will seemingly go on as usual. I roll up to the window collect my food and pay. Then for whatever reason I stop and decide to pay for this girls meal. I give Rosie(yes I remember her name) my debit card again and tell her I want to pay for her(as I point to the girl behind me from my carside window). More creepiness I know. Lucky for me she only got about 2.50 worth of food. I paid and drove off.

Now I thought it was a pretty cool thing I just did. But as I drove to the light I realized it isn't that awesome because you just drove off, you jackass. No message for the girl, no number, nothing. Just some douchebag in a champagne colored Toyota Hylander with a bunch of carpet in his car. As I am smiling to myself at what a complete ass I am. She rolls up next to me. I don't notice, to oblivious to my surroundings because I am laughing inside at what an ass I am. Light turns green and off I go to the next light. Still not noticing her. So she honks and gives me the roll down my window signal. Startled I roll down my window with what was probably as shocked of a face as I have ever had. Says what I did was hilarious and throws a crumpled piece of paper into my car and drives off.

Paper Reads: I am Bell 619-696-****. You should call me.

I am awesome.....

Randomness 3.0

Hooray beer! It's more random thoughts by me.....

* I read this article on the main page of yahoo that talks about the four "stages" of a relationship according to a guy. What a fag. This guy tried to tell me we, as men, are articulate enough to come up with 4 precise stages in the dating process. There are two stages of what goes through a mans head when he first meets his lady.

Stage 1 - That girl is kinda cute, annoying though, lets celebrate this by having some beer.

Stage 2 - Hey that girl is kinda cute, and not nearly as annoying as I once thought, lets celebrate this by having some beer.

Stop women. I know what all one of you that read this are thinking. Yes we are that simple. No No really we are. Yes your man is that simple, it isn't just me.

* My electronic devices have been turning against me of late. My car radio's volume changes without me touching it. My cell phone decided to stop taking a charge. And now my laptop won't start at all. It reminded me of the story of terminator when all electronics started to fight against the humans. Yeah I thought it was weird that is what popped into my mind as well.

* The Wire - Simply an amazing show. I could honestly spend hours explaining what makes the show so in depth and wonderful. But most of you that read this are probably already sick on me ranting on and on about it. So just watch it already so we can talk about it together!

* I seem to comment on this in every one of these randomness entries, but Saturday night was another perfect example of how I am oblivious to woman and just my surroundings in general. For some of you reading this now you got to see this obliviousness in action. In fact you had to point out to me what I missed. Thanks?

* This woman came to my door with her daughter today to solicit my signature to protest a nearby recovery center's renewal of the facilities. Her hope is that they don't sign a two year lease because as she put it "they've had enough time here" and "it's hard to raise a family here". I asked her if she has ever encountered anyone from the facility. I asked her if anyone had ever harassed her from the facility. Her answer was no to both. I didn't sign her petition. Who the hell chooses a downtown mid rise condo to "raise a family"? She was not happy with me. I felt good inside.

* Speaking of my complex I am now known on my floor as "the dead guy". For those who know the story its funny. Interesting that I haven't really met anyone here, but all these other people talk and act as if they know me now. It pisses me off, they want to talk which means I have to take my headphones off. I hate passer by/elevator talk. Wow, that's my dad coming out in me right there.

* I'm not drinking soda for at least a month(alcoholic beverages excluded).

* On a scale of 1-10 how gay is it if two guys go together to see Elton John.............that bad huh? Yeah that's what I thought.

* I've been obsessed with The Black Heart Procession of late. Might say something about my frame of mind. Might just be amazing music I wanted to listen to.

* Someone asked me yesterday a question I am sure you have debated one time or another. Would you want to know the precise way and time that you would die? I quickly said yes. This person couldn't fathom the thought. Coward. I don't understand people who would prefer to be blind to this information. Isn't knowledge power? What if you die in two weeks? Or a few years? Wouldn't you want to take advantage of the time you had. I get the premise of the question. It is made to provoke the idea to live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute. I am working on it. It's my new life goal. No really. Next step. Sell my condo.

* I feel like taking a road trip. But not a weekend road trip. I want to just drive for a month. See where it takes me. Anyone in?

* Got the new iphone. It is actually as cool as advertised.

* Who wants in on this with me? I'm just a little short right now.....

* I was on a roll with this thing and then something interesting came on TV. Totally destroyed my momentum. Now this thing seems to be more of a grind. I'm over it......

Top 10 Songs I am Embarrassed I know word for word

Since I seemingly work out of my car. I am forced to fill much of my time listening to a CD, Sports talk radio or FM radio. 90% of the time it is sports talk radio, but today I switched things up a bit. I went with the FM radio. I went with the "press seek to hit each station and see what surprises you find," method......

What did we learn from this??

I know a lot of really lame songs word for word. Songs I should really have no business knowing. Today's installment is a tribute to my gayness(these are in no particular order)

1. Can you feel the love Tonight(Elton John) - I mean I guess I enjoyed the Lion King when I was young. But I'll never understand a) why I quote this song constantly and b) why I quote this song constantly. And not in the comforts of my place alone, or in the shower. Nope, not me, I'll throw this out midway through one of my hockey games or at a bar. I'm embarrassed.....

2. Just Another Day(Jon Secada) - WTF? Jon f***ing Secada? Word for word? How and where did I ever learn this song? I am listening to it as we speak. It's actually kind of a jam. Ahhhh, I mean, I'm a man. Man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn.

3. Groovy Kind of Love(Phil Collins) - A man should never know any song word for word that has the word "shiver" and "quiver" in the lyrics unless the song is based around a man in the cold doing something amazing like burying a body or hunting or hunting and burying a body.

4. You're the Inspiration(Chicago) - Sing it with me "You know our love was meant to be, the kind of love that lasts forever".....anyone? Hello?

5. Hard to say I'm sorry/Get Away(Chicago) - Back to back Chicago? What gives? I am thinking Pops just had Chicago playing as a kid. Because I have never been a Chicago fan, yet dominate the lyrics of this and the other song. Join in "After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you, I promise you." Guitar Solo...............

6. More than Words(Extreme) - Got to be close to the peak of my faggitry(yeah I know it isn't a word Ethan and Taylor fuck you). Yet I bet most people reading this blog(Justin/Brittany) can sing this song word for word. If I'm wrong on that fuck you too. Sorry, Sorry, I am trying to make up for how lame I feel by using profanity. Olive Juice......

7. (Everything I do) I do it for you(Bryan Adams) - The worst song ever, themed around the worst movie ever couple with the 2nd worst actor ever(Nick Cage is worse than Kevin Costner). This is the point where I start to really get down on myself. Kiss my man card goodbye. "Yeah I would fight for you, I'd like for you, walk the wire for you, yeah I'd die for youuuuuuu" so good, so gay.

8. (They Long to be) Close to you(The Carpenters) - Ohhh why do birds, another lyric I have been found to quote to woman I have no interest in dating. Yeah, I'm kind of an a-hole. It works though. Feel free to use it, but give me credit after you do.

9. Don't Speak(No Doubt) - This is actually an ongoing joke, about an ex who called me up and left this on my answering machine. So funny, but I played it so much for friends that I now know word for word the lyrics to this ridiculous song.

10. Save the best for last(Vanessa Williams) - Ahhhh, I have no excuses. I'm just upset with myself.


* So here is the real question, how many of these songs do you know? Am I the only one with an affinity for knowing the lyrics of sappy love songs I should have no business knowing? I'm hoping no......

80's Television

Ohh the 80's. Big hair, floresent colors and who can forget those MC Hammer pants everyone was wearing. I know I can't. Those bad boys got me my first kiss. Laura Gauley. She would go on to do great things like become a Laker girl and allegedly help break up Rick Fox and Vanessa Williams. 

But in thinking about the 80's I couldn't help but remember all the wonderful TV's shows I grew up with.  It was a life filled with organized sports, video games and Saturday morning TV.  Let's reminisce together shall we?

> You can't do that on Television - Three seemingly harmless words haven't made such a mess since people started saying "I Love You". You think these kids would learn. You think I would learn, but everytime they said I don't know and that slime came pouring down, it make me laugh. Every freakin time.

> G.I. Joe - This was pretty much it for me. I loved G.I. Joe. Loved it.  Played with the figurines, had the forts, everything. It's funny to think back to the imagination I use to have playing with these toys. I use to play for hours and hours in the backyard with all my men. Going on make believe adventures. Actually having the men die in combat. That is, except for Snake Eyes. Easily my favorites G.I. Joe character. Plus they always taught me something at the end like this. How else would I have learned not to hang out in abandoned refrigerators?

>Fragle Rock - I can still almost sing the intro word for word. Scary. I remember always hoping one of the the little guys would get caught by the Gorgs. Apparently the Gorgs had voices like they were from Louisiana. But would break into song and have the most amazing voice. God bless that show.

>Pee Wee's Playhouse - I mean what can you say here? Who didn't grow up watching Pee Wee? Oh that  chair, oh that genie head. Oh those fish you could hardly understand. And the madness that would ensue when the word of the day was voiced.  Plus anyone heard of a little movie called Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Who didn't grow up on that bad boy?

>Inspector Gadget - I just wanted to be him. Granted he was a moron, but a moron with a lot of amazing toys. Some might argue by that definition that I already am him. Actually what I really wanted was the amazing book his daughter had. That thing could do everything! I always wanted to see the face of their enemy. It was never to be......

>Thundercats - Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats Hoooooooo! Did people have to screw animals to become thundercats? Mumm-Ra was easily one of the two scariest cartoon villains in my mind(the other one will come shortly). He was just so scary looking. Always threw me off, he had such a realism to him. And that sword, oh that sword. Oh yeah I owned one, and on many a night fought my brother to the death with it. I won of course, everytime.

>He-Man - I have the power!!! Skeletor was the other cartoon villain who really affected me. I think it was his laugh/skeleton face. This was another cartoon that forced me to buy another plastic sword. I had a lot of swords and a lot of battles when I was a kid. Of course I won them all.

>Punky Brewster - Was I the only one in love with her? Probably the first crush I ever had. Can't really go back in my mind and remember what the show was about. Life lessons? I just remember I use to watch and watch and watch.

>The Wonder Years - Looking back this was probably the most influential show I ever watched. The age similarities helped, but this was really a good show to watch at the time. Rich, poor, only child, family of seven, it really had something for everyone. Maybe I just related more because I had a pain in the ass dad and was awkward with the ladies. Winnie was not hot by the way.

>Double Dare - I was a kid, I really just liked seeing people get dirty. Always thought my family would have dominated that show. 

*There are really about 10-15 more I could mention in detail so I will just list a few of the others that I watched growing up.

-Different Strokes

-Smurfs

-Webster

-Alvin and the Chipmunks

-TMNT

-Ducktales

-Alf

-Small Wonder

-Saved by the bell

-Hey Dude

-Cosby Show

-Family Ties

-The Simpsons

For laughs here are a couple GI Joe PSA's that were dubbed over and are pretty funny(warning same poor language)

PSA1

PSA2

PSA3

Hope this brought back some nice memories......

I Hate....

Seems I have filled my blog with inner perspectives, outer physicality and just flat out happy thoughts. Time to delve into the darkness. Well I don't really have much darkness, so its more like delving into a shadow and just for a moment.

*Guilt Trips - Apparently some people haven't gotten the memo on me. 

*Woman lead singers - I have tried, I just can't get on board with them. They aren't appealing to me in the slightest. 

*Unrelenting pride in a state or college - Where you live or where you got your education is such an empty source of self worth.

*Nicolas Cage - He is just awful. Sorry Garrett Con Air and The Rock don't make up for the rest of that crap he has put out there.

*Francois Beauchemin - If you've sat next to me at a Ducks game you know exactly what I am talking about.

*Single people who feel like there life is over if not married by 26 - Pathetic jackasses

*Cheaters(relationships only) - How hard is it just to tell someone it's over? You have to disgrace them too? Cheating in sports I commend however.

*Dave Matthews Band - mehhh

*The driver side window on my Audi - The damn thing won't go up. Kiss $500 bucks goodbye.

*Splitting 8's with a 9, 10, or ace showing(blackjack) - I know "The Book" says to split, but I just don't see how you benefit from this.

*12's(blackjack) - how do I always get a 10 when I have 12 showing.

*A four roll crap out(craps) - there goes all my money.

*Crying women - As Taylor would say "It's terrorism". Why do you hate my freedom?

*Recreational sports hot-heads - You think Alex reads this?

*Cats - Worthless animals and I'm allergic.

*Travis Hafner - what a waste of a draft pick.

*Women who live in the same state as me - I don't want to believe hating this is true, but my track record speaks for itself.

*Cheapness - you know who you are.

*Controlling wives/girlfriends - you guys might be the worst. I don't condone marital violence, but someone should shake the shit out of you until you get the picture that the world doesn't revolve around what you want or demand.

*Husbands/boyfriends who submit to controlling wives/girlfriends - grow a pair.

*People who didn't like the ending to No Country for Old Men - please see the title of the movie to better understand the ending. Jackasses, think outside the box.

*Woman who are amazed I haven't seen The Notebook - really?

*Woman who try to convince me I would really enjoy The Notebook - really?

*Having good friends living away from me - Justin, Garrett, Eric, Eli I am looking in your direction. Am I forgetting anyone?