I'm Sorry

So I am dating someone now and I kind of dig her. So there is no comedic responses coming until I screw it up somehow. Sorry...

Crickets.......

Guess what?

I went on another date. I wasn't sure how the first play by play would pan out via blog form. Looks like you guys were a fan. So here is my latest dating disaster, enjoy......

Name: Samantha

City: San Diego

Age: 30

First Impression: First thing I notice about her is her teeth to gum ratio. It's terrible. Am I a jerk for noticing that? It's as if her teeth and gums are having a territorial battle and the gums are dominating at such a rate that the teeth don't have much longer to live. She is all gums. Other than that she is pretty attractive. Has way more style than me. But really who doesn't

How the date went: We met at a bar near my place for a drink. Or what would turn out to be 4 in her case. We exchange pleasantries, sit down and I order a crown and water after she orders a lemon drop martini. "I hate whiskey", she says(I hate ______ would be an ongoing theme of the night). I have never met someone who abused the word "hate" as much as her. No words like prefer or dislike or can't stand. Always hate this and hate that.

We have absolutely nothing in common. I mean nothing. She "hates" hockey, "hates" indy music, doesn't watch TV. I have no where to go with this date. So I ask her why don't we lighten it up a bit by talking about something we both enjoy. Cue the crickets......

We seriously had nothing to talk about. She didn't laugh at any of my sarcasm or jokes. I mean nothing, not even a chuckle or smirk. She was all business. She seemed a bit nervous, because she was crushing these fruity martini's. She explains to me she hasn't really dated much. I make a joke about how this is clearly going nowhere so there is no need to be nervous. There we go! A smile. She breaks out an "oh thank god". I laugh out loud.

There is something to be said about two people going on a first date, it crashing and burning, and both of you being able to acknowledge how terrible it is. It felt very adult like. I don't have many moments like that.

So we start to say goodbye and in perfect fashion as two people who have nothing in common she goes in for a hug, I break out the high five(it's gold). I walk her to her car, I go home. Only to receive a call from her asking me if she can hang at my place for a bit because she is a little to drunk to drive. I want to kill myself but agree. An hour of crickets later she is gone......forever.

Another Date: Not a chance.......

You're an asshole

Welcome to the dating escapades(or failures) of me! This is going to be an ongoing series here at ARYUJLEE. I figured why not? It's like we all went on the date together. I am sure any girl I date that reads this will be pissed, but whatever, I'll deal with that when it comes up.

Name: Alexandra
City: San Clemente
Age: 24

First Impression: She looks a lot like Angie, I'm not sure I am ready for that yet.

How the date went: We are going to classify this as a date, although it was just coffee. She ordered some super large ice mocha crap. Already minus points. Seems like high maintenance. I tell her what I do for a living and she gives me this "Ohhhhhhhhhh", but you know the high pitched "I'm not impressed at all" type of "ohhhhhhh". Also she wonders if there is a lot of money in the carpet business. "Everyone needs carpet" I say, cue the crickets......

She is a nanny. WTF? a Nanny and you are mocking my line of work. F you. Anyways, she is fun. We joke alot about my lack of athletic ability and her hatred of anything yellow(who hates yellow?). The focus then turns to money. I have never had anyone in my entire life ask me so many inappropriate questions about my finances. I've dated girls for months and they never asked me one question pertaining to cashflow. Yet this girl wanted to know if I owned a place, what kind of car I drove, stocks I owned(I shit you not). It was ridiculous. The furthest I answered was yes I own a condo. After that I told her as nicely as I could to mind her own damn business. Needless to say after that I wasn't really interested in her. Never has someone so obviously made it clear what they were looking for. It scared me a bit actually.

So the night went on and she wanted to go get a drink. I never being one to turn down a drink agreed. By the way San Clemente, cool town. So we went to some bar where of course she had 3 girlfriends who just happened to be there. So I met Jojo, Samantha, and Laura. The questions never stopped coming after that. The questioning was worse than anything I have ever had to deal with ever. I didn't even get to really talk much after that with Alexandra. The friends took over. It was terrible. I finished my 2nd drink, high-fived all the ladies(its gold) and bailed. Alexandra actually came out to say goodbye. Gave me a hug and asked if I would call her again sometime. my answer......probably not.

I went into my speech about being honest with her and that a lot of the questions she asked turned me off and made me assume she was after money. Smiles went to frowns, nice words went to.? "You're an asshole"

I actually laughed out loud when she said that. Which of course infuriated her more. It's to bad, I was attracted to her.

Another date?: Not a chance...

Stay tuned for more stories of abuse, laughter and most of all my endless pursuit of ongoing failures.....

Corrections and Retractions

Number 25 on my list of thing to know about Brian Charles Kazarian is a false statement. I was in a fender bender yesterday evening ending the illustrious streak. We here at Always Remember You are Unique, Just like Everyone Else apologizes for the previously false facts and are looking into the other 24 "facts" to see if any others were blatant lies. 

25 Random Facts about Brian Charles Kazarian

You are blessed with a list of 25 random facts about me. Some you may already know, some you might have never heard. Time to get to know your friend Brian....enjoy!

1) I have had just under 70 stitches in my life. All coming before the age of 18. I never broke a single bone in all those years. Since the age of 18 I haven't had stitches but I have broken my collarbone and my ankle(never got this looked at until 3 years later...oops).

2)I am left handed. Maybe not that random of a fact, but did you know that I only do 5 other things left handed? They are as follows: Eat, shoot pool, shoot a gun, use scissors. What? That's only 4? Number 5 is the most fun of all, but probably a little too much info for the three of you that read this.

3) I won both categories(most laps and most money made) for the jog-a-thon for my elementary school in 5th and 6th grade. This allowed me to be principle for a day and really the coolest kid in school. But did you know I cheated that 2nd year? Thats right I was getting double marks on certain laps. I would go up to one mom and have her mark me and then run down the line a bit and have another mom mark my paper. It was genius!! And ensured me the victory for the 2nd year in a row. Why admit to this now? A-Rod made me realize its better to admit wrong doing before actually ever being caught. I don't want principal Morland checking the books 20 years later and calling me out on it. I am better than that and now better than A-Rod.

4)On July 13th, 2008 I was given a Lifetime achievement award in honor of my dedication to promoting and preserving the greatest sport(hockey) on Earth as a scout, a fan, and a player.

5) I love showers. Something is wrong in my day if I don't get two showers in at least.

6) You can always tell what type of mood I am in by the music I am listening to. I may not express my feelings well but my music is truly a view into my soul.

7)I hate red makeup on woman. Lipstick, finger polish, doesn't matter how attractive you are. You lose me with red anything on your face or hands. Don't really have a reason or know why. Just always been that way. I hate makeup on woman in general. Oh natural for me.

8) This is something I had been able to keep under raps for so so long. But most of you already know so I should tell the rest. I am a hopeless romantic. Key word, hopeless.....

9) I have never been broken up with in my life. Angie doesn't count!!! We were never together so technically she never broke up with me, although it felt that way. At least the streak is still intact!

10) I hate cats, I think they are the most worthless animals on the planet.

11) Spiders scare me.

12) I have a strange ability to know and/or remember music lyrics. Most of you know this. I am just proud of it and want to bring up this ability again.

13) I have no problems going to a movie by myself. Loser? I won't argue it, but to be honest it is kinda nice. I'd do it again see......

14) As far as I am concerned I invented the Crown and Dr. Pepper mix. You are welcome Simon and Kyle.

15) When I first met Ethan I thought he was the biggest douche on the planet. Nice to see he hasn't done much to sway this thinking....

16) First time I hung out with Taylor I smoked pot in front of him. He quietly judged me.

17) When I was a young man I wanted to become a doctor, after my grandmother died of cancer. I think the world is happy that goal never came to be.

18) I've never hit a homerun in any type of organized baseball. In fact I'd argue I've hit under 5 doubles in the 10+ years I played baseball. Pathetic.

19) I almost died when I was born. The umbilical chord was stuck around my neck, so when moms pushed I got strangled. This led to the first of three c-sections for moms. My bad.

20) For a short time in highschool I had a handicap of 3 in golf. I even considered quiting baseball to focus on golf. Went to a Stanford golf school with Garrett(who of course was better than me). Oh what could have been.

21) I'm a total prude.

22) I've never shot a gun in my life.

23) I currently have 6 pairs of pajama bottoms. And I'm single??

24) I have succeeded on 4 of my 7 2009 New Years resolutions. Where I am failing? Taking more pictures, buying more clothes, and taking more chances. I've got 6 more months to make these things happen.

25) I wreck cars. I don't get in fender benders. Every accident I have been in(only 2 relax) has completely destroyed the car I was driving.

Note: June's Monthly Music Mix is up. Hope you enjoy it. Sadly I couldn't find a link to Spangle by Jimmy Eat World.

Randomness 4.0

Nonsensical findings and thoughts from me. Enjoy....

+ F you Lakers! Now I am forced to deal with another 2 weeks minimum of my sports talk radio be taken over by the over analysis of everything Lakers. I don't care who Andrew Bynum is dating, how is this important? How many times do I have to hear from Kurt Rambis in a week?

+ Sorry Leslie, it's science.

+ Vegas two weeks in a row. Life is good, I find when you are in a slump you have to just work through it. Just for the record I have now lost money 6 straight trips....I just added up how much I have lost, ouch!

+ I was in one of my accounts last week and was offered a starburst. So I accepted and they proceeded to hand me a yellow starburst. A yellow? Really? She skipped over the red and pink and gave me a yellow. I wanted to kick her square in the balls. Yeah I said her. Pretty sure she has balls. If anyone  ever offers you a starburst and then subsequently gives you a yellow you kick them right in the balls. Lets set a precedent here huh.

+ I've now joined Twitter! My twitter link along with some of my friends can be found on the right side of this blog. 

+ Cheers to the support system of my friends. Our first hockey game of the season and you guys came out in force to support us.  You rule. 

+ Simon and Taylor were recently talking about the color test. I want to take that again. Not because I hope to change my results, but because I forget what I was. No No I know I was a white, but what was my secondary color? Anyone?

+ A hotel pool in Vegas might be the douchiest thing on the planet. 

+ I decided the other night I am going to harass Lauren Hansen with uncomfortable texts for a good week or so.  Because I can.

+ I gained 5 pounds back and am not happy about it. Need to step my game up! Guess that is what happens when you have 14 celebrations for your birthday. Birthday celebration number 15 kicks off this weekend....

+ This and This are the two best movie trailers ever!

+ I love lost. Mythology, time travel, good vs. evil. Ohhh all the symbolism!! If you haven't watched this show I highly recommend renting the dvd's. And while I am at it let me wash the balls of Arrested Development and The Wire. Really amazing shows. Get on board.

+ Justin and Heidi, make it happen.

+ I know the girls that read this will role their eyes with this statement. But here it goes. Us boys need to find more time to play whiffle ball. I was thinking of Eric's BBQ the other day and how much fun we had playing . I want more of that. 

Finally, I want to give major props to the Anaheim Ducks GM Bob Murray for crushing a lady with a chair as the Ducks were scored upon in the last minutes of game 7. That is the type of commitment I want from my teams GM. How dare that woman get in the way of a man and his uncontrollable need to break something after his team fails.....

Starting 30 the right way: With lots of ball washing.....

Son of a bitch, or bloody hell or bollocks. I don't really comprehend what I am saying. I am just trying to appease the 4 people who read this blog regularly.  How am I doing so far?

I had this amazing blog post all done up full with a very comprehensive telling of the first 30 years of my life and how it has all gone wrong. Full with bashing ex-girlfriends, current friends and of course family. 

You all just had to ruin it with the throwing of a surprise party for my 30th birthday. Now i feel compelled to wash your balls a bit......

I think my dad put it best. He said, "You can tell who a quality person is by the people they choose to surround themselves with. And you have a bunch of amazing friends." Clearly he hasn't met Simon, what an a-hole!

But in all seriousness. I couldn't think of a better, and some will say gayer, way of kicking off the new look of the blog by just telling all of you how much the last few weeks have meant to me. I'm not one to want to draw a lot of attention to myself or be the main focus of conversation, that is why we have Ethan after all. But everyone wants to feel appreciated as a friend and all of you couldn't have done a better job of showing me you care by what you have done since my actual b-day on May 1st. 

So without further delay, here is a list of everyone I could possibly think of who A might read this blog and B who made me feel all gay inside when it came to my b-day. Let the ball washing begin(side note: you don't have to be a guy to be ball washed. It's a metaphor and in this instance most the woman have bigger balls to be washed than any of the boys).

Parents - They don't read my blog, they don't know about the blog. But I would feel like I was doing a disservice if I didn't start this off with expressing how much they mean to me and have molded me into the gay, lame, star wars shirt wearing, Simpson pajamas wearing , eye candy, that I am today. They are truly the two most generous people I have ever met. 

Ethan, Taylor, Justin, Eric, Playa - What can I say. It's truly hard for me to picture any fun moments in my life without one or all of you involved in one way or another. I couldn't think of a better group of guys to just get verbally abused from on a daily basis. 

Adri, Leslie, Katie - To put up with not only your boys but also the lifetime 3rd wheel in me is already enough to earn you a prize. But everything you guys have done these past few weeks is something I won't forget. Ethan and Taylor are lucky to have you guys. Katie you might be the nicest person in the world. Its borderline creepy how nice you are, wouldn't hurt to drop an F bomb now and again....

Simon, Carrie, Kyle, Sarah, Heidi, Morgan, Tim, Ethan, Annie, Jason, Katie, Alex, Carrie - Some I haven't known long, some I have known forever and lost touch with. But all of you are special people to me and it was really great for me to see you at the party. I love you all. Except Simon, what an a-hole!

Everyone else - blah blah ball wash blah blah. 

My overall point is just THANK YOU. I can't really express it enough. I feel blessed to have you all in my life. I feel blessed to share past, current and future fun with you. I truly feel that 30-40 is going to be even more fun than 20-30.